Never take advice from an ex-convict who wears pant suits

For the first time in my life, I've fallen victim to one of life's great fallacies: taking advice from a celebrity. I've never really understood why someone would place any significant amount of trust in someone whom they've never met before and never will meet. I suppose if that person is Freud or Marx or any other individual with philosophical legitimacy, trusting their opinion would be a wise decision - it's the celebutards that I don't understand. Take Tyra Banks, for example. So, she got fat and defended her body on national television and suddenly she's up there with Gandhi and Mother Theresa? It seems like the qualifications to become a saint are more lenient than they once were.

Anyway, enough about about Tyra Banks. Today, I was tricked into ruining Andrea's Mother's Day. You see, Martha Stewart once told me that it was okay to put flowers in the freezer for three or four hours. What she failed to tell me, however, is that her definition of "okay" is synonymous with bad. Now, my mother's tulips are limp, soggy and simply unacceptable. Thanks, Martha. Thanks for the low quality bath towels AND the bad advice.